Dra found this and posted it on her blog first.
I had to steal it, and I will confess that it really got to me. (As in close to tears.)
Apparently, my true love is MarioKart.
I heart that game.

Take a Chill Pill

Hometeachers. Where to even start? Crazy to the max seems to cover all bases.

Today's riddle unfolded when my home teacher (just one home teacher was present which is a completely different, possibly unbloggable story) reminded me that I got to choose who said the prayer because I'm head of the household. He loves saying this every single month, and I pinch my hand to keep my eyes from rolling. "I'll say the opening prayer if you say the closing."

Unfortunately, during the prayer I managed, "We are so glad that Joseph is here to visit teach."

Prayer ends, Joseph frowns.

"I'm here to home teach."

I was so confused, but quickly caught on, and laughed, "Oh! Did I say visit teach?" Ha ha ha. However, apparently I found it way too funny.

"I'm here to home teach." My laughing skidded to a stop. 

Sorry! It's not like you're going to turn into a girl because I said visit teach instead of home teach in a prayer!

P.S. Teaching an entire lesson about the importance of prayer, and then leaving without saying a closing prayer ... priceless.

I want my own place!

Can I, please? Where do I even start? I am so oblivious to all of this. Why didn't I look when I first got my big-girl job? All of these years paying rent ... what a tremendous waste. 

Is this out of reach with a single income? I have become obsessed with looking at stupid craigslist and all of the flashy pictures of tempting townhouses that seem unattainable.

In The Know: Are Our Children Learning Enough About Whales?

"I remember learning that song in school."

Can't get enough of this radical video.

Thank you Faker for keeping it real deal Holyfield.

The Day of My Birth

Ben blew it out of the water with these orange tulips.

Em and my mom arranged these bad boys, and they're still hanging on!

I got to play with the boys all night.

Zach: "We saved the best for last, we bought your favorite nintendo game!"

I patiently pretended like I was enjoying my party as it wrapped up, but inside I was desperate to escape downstairs so that I could beat Life Force.

The Day

• Worked out with Ben. (I was slightly grumpy though. Who works out on their birthday?)
• Ben made me a delectable lunch.
• Shopped with Em ... and Ben. (Poor Ben.)
• Squeezed in a game o' bowling. The night before, Ben, Anth, and I bowled, and I bowled a 132. That's quite good for me, and I beat the men, so that's quite good for my ego.
• Ate the best birthday dinner ever. I hesitated as I requested Thai food for my birthday dinner, but my mom took on the challenge, and boy howdy, it was amazing! (I'm still craving the soup.)
• Showed off the flowers Ben gave me.
• Kicked around the mess of balloons that Dra had blown up for me. (The boys loved this the most.)
• Opened hilarious/thoughtful/useful presents.
• Beat Life Force

What a grand celebration; thanks to everyone for wishing me the best.

Math Class Gamble
Should poker be taught in school?

Ms. Jensen gave me an article that she planned to use in her class, and I turned around and used it in my classes. I had my students read an article about whether or not we should be teaching poker in math. They had to monitor their understanding, make a choice (yes or no) to whether or not we should be teaching poker in school, then defend their choice. I was amazed at how thoughtful their debates were, and delighted with the silly kids' thoughts.

Here's a taste:

"Well if it's illegal to gamble in some states they shouldn't teach it."
"When kids get money, they might even gamble at school, and that might lead to bullying."
"No, cuz kids develop a gambling problem. They also might spend their college fund."

Nervous about this one:

"Yes, because when you grow up and you lost your job and almost all of your money you can try to win some more money by poker."

Laughed the hardest at this one:

"No, wait let me think ... NOOOOO!!!! Would kids want to bring hundreds of dollars to school every day to gamble on?! NO!"

Student:
"Ms. Bateman! You're the neigh in my horse. You're the spur in my boots. You're the fire that ignites my bullet."

Me:
"Calm down cowboy, let's get to work."

My Dad's Christmas Delight:

I boxed up Malloy (my dad's enemy number one),

worried all the way to Rupert, Idaho,

poured Malloy out of the box in a midst of a blizzard,

and prayed for the best.

Ben's mom and dad live in Idaho, and his mom graciously said it'd be okay to let Malloy join the crowd. Ben's dad wasn't as excited.

I was racked with worries about cute little Malloy:

Will he get enough food?

Will he be too cold?

Was he someone's cat?

Will he make friends?

Ben's dad was excited to show us his new idea to keep the cats from jumping up in the window sill and staring in at them. He had pounded nails through a thin board and put the board in the window sill.

Added to my worries about Malloy:

Oh great, I've brought him to a cat-hating house.

The pictures are tiny and not as fun because it's a scanned copy of both sides of the postcard I sent to my dad. Two days after Christmas, my dad found this treat in the mail. My dad laughed out loud with a "REALLY? He's gone! Really?" He was so proud of me.

The Postcard:

Dear Mr. Bateman,

I decided to end the fussin' and the feudin'. I reluctantly packed my box and made the long journey to Rupert, Idaho.

Maybe one day you can come visit me; you are welcome at my shed anytime.

Meow, meow,

Malloy

The Cut



Parker cut a huge chunk off while it was dry. I felt like I was on a makeover show.

I love that Emily's spectacular pictures of Washington D.C. are occassionally interrupted by pictures such as this one.

So confused.

This guy looks EXACTLY like my dad. Why didn't Emily tell me this story?

Oh ... turns out I'm looking at old pictures from my mom and dad's trip awhile back.

I guess my dad is the one who kept snapping shots of squirrels.

Geometry Guffaws

All of last week, my geometry kids have been working their way through a hands on project involving special special segments in a triangle. At the beginning of this week, I explained that everything they had been able to do with their hands, we could do on the computer.

"Are you kidding! We could have done all of this on a computer?!"

"Oh yeah, it is so cool."

Grumble, grumble, grumble from the students.

One part of the computer assignment encouraged the students to create a circle around their triangles, but the three vertices of the triangle had to touch the edges of the triangle. This is called circumscribing the triangle. One of my kids eagerly called me over, "Ms. Bateman, did I circumcise this right?"

"Um..."

His ears immediately blushed bright red. He looked to his left, glanced to his right, nobody had noticed except him and me. We had a great chuckle together.

Later, I was so insanely bored watching them work on the computers. They are so good and so dedicated that I just sit and watch and maybe every ten minutes clarify something for one student. I'm thankful of course, but yeesh, what a long class period. So ... I decided that we needed to practice a lock down.

"What would we do if they came over the intercom and said we needed to go into a lockdown?"

"Get under the desks!"

"So let's practice, I'll go get the lights." The kids scrambled to hide themselves in the small space below their computer.

"No, no, no, this won't work. It is quite obvious that you are in here, your papers are everywhere."

All of these little arms reached up and over and snuck their papers down with them.

"Hmm ... better, but some of you forgot your pens. Nah, this isn't working, your chairs are all over the place."

Ghostly chairs started to be tucked into their places, followed by obvious grunts of discomfort from the crammed students.

"Wow! This looks absolutely amazing, I wish you all could see it," but my attention was pulled towards Colin's computer. Colin was slowly reaching up, searching with his fingers, then finding his computer screen. He slowly turned his screen towards the front of the room, and as it was still squeaking, I read: WE ARE HERE!

"Oh Colin! Great, you've sabotaged us all," and he and his neighbor burst into hysterics. Then I started laughing, then we all started laughing.

The rest of class was peppered with bursts of "We are here! We are here!" in high-pitched voices. The kids confessed that it's from Horton Hears a Who.

I love the funny days.

My thumb won't stop twitching. I've watched way too much t.v.this weekend, and I've seen the "Signs of a Stroke" commercial too often.

None of the signs have been about an overactive thumb, so why am I so worried?

Stupid digit.

Desperate Haircut

Suggestions please! My hair's too long and daily begs for a fantastic color.

My cut's about like this right now. So should I leave the length and put in more layers?

I'm leaning towards short, not blonde, but short. What are the votes on this?

Love the color, length might be too short.

Brandi and Teighlor Heiner introduced me to Selena Gomez: the Disney wizard. I realize that in this picture her hair is pinned, but I really like it as a cut. Agree/Disagree?

P.S. I heart Selena Gomez.

Emily poured purple juice on her plate this morning.

"Hey! This isn't syrup!"

In the Doghouse

My dad was grumpy this morning.

Turns out Malloy has taken over the $200 igloo that my dad bought for the cats so they'd shut their yaps and stop meowing all night. He even bought a heated water dish and a heated pad that he has plugged in to the outside of the house. This morning he found Malloy reaping the benefits of the heated pad in the igloo.

Dad got mad, and unfortunately for Malloy, dad was holding a shovel.

At breakfast, dad exploded, "You need to catch him and take him to the humane society! That is your joal!" shakes his head, but still mad, "That is your goal!"

(Was it a mixture of job and goal?)

It took all I could muster to not laugh at joal, but you better believe I'm laughing now.

Early Thanksgiving Dinner

Ben's cousin Kent Jones invited us to his family's early Thanksgiving dinner held on Sunday night. They live out in Tooele, and when I agreed to go with Ben, my mind was churning out Taylorsville. Big difference between Taylorsville and Tooele. Why are you calling Thurm for directions? Why do we have to drive past the airport?

It was a great time all around. The Jones family was incredibly friendly and chatty, the food was outstanding, and now I want to live in Tooele where everyone has access to the lake via their backyard. Kent built his own waterfall; this guy is amazing.

Point of the post:
After stuffing ourselves silly, we all gathered around the family dinner table to play an intense game called Whackee Six. Ben and I were on the same team, and while I was getting a quick version of the rules, the Jones family was jabbing at Ben, insisting that all Heiners are super competitive.

My mind shot back, "Heiners may be competitive, but Batemans always win."

We won.
Of course.

Listen Buddy

I was busy silently cursing another teacher; his inadequacies had created a huge emergency to-do list for me, and he also made me late to my meeting.

So I huff out my door, barely miss knocking down our busty sweeper, but then I'm nearly knocked down when I hear her say, "Turns out, when you don't have your period, you gain a lot of weight. So ...," and she Vanna White's her whole body.

Inadequate teacher stands there, nodding his head, arms folded, totally engaged in the conversation, "Hmm ... I didn't realize. You know, now that you point that out, I have a cousin ... "

I wanted to melt. I closed my eyes as I locked my door behind me, held my lips tight as I tried to sneak upstairs.

1st red flag: How is this girl so bold to talk about this stuff to a male teacher?
2nd red flag: Why was the teacher continuing this conversation?

So grossly inappropriate! Am I wrong?

That Really Grinds My Gears

1. South Towne VW Dealership.


Me: "I came in three weeks ago, why was I never called that my parts were in?" (I was on edge from living a life with a trunk that wouldn't latch. I dare you: Don't shut your trunk, place something strategically so that it won't latch when jarred by one of the many bumps that infest our roads, and love life through heavy snow storms.)


Dork: "It must have been an oversight."






2. The District




Case 1:


I was violently ill Wed night/Thu morning. I have NEVER been this sick before in my entire life. I was desperate to get the number to order a substitute; the district changed programs this year, and of course I hadn't put it in my phone yet. I watched the clock, and a little before 6:00 A.M. I called my parents', barely keeping it together enough not to cry. My dad was so sympathetic, but didn't know the number, and mom was in the shower. She called back, gave me the number, but when I tried calling, before I could even enter my pin number, the dang system would hang up on me. After three similar tries, I quit. Awesome.

So I called Carrie (a fellow teacher who knows everything and is the greatest), and she tried to get on-line and help me out. No luck. Something was up with my pin number. Our principal had begged us to set everything up the week before school started, and I had dutifully checked that off my list. I had taken care of things! Why wasn't this working?


So I ended up calling the Sub Office, and the lady on the other end talked to me like a baby. She made me pledge that I would go on-line and practice, watch the 8 minute video, "I can't do this every time for you. I will do it this once, but promise me that you will go in and practice. So you promise? You promise to watch the video too? ...", and repeated everything three times. It took her three seconds to put in the order, tell me my pin (How the hell was I supposed to know what it was when I had set it to something different?) I was fighting the urge to flip out, but the fight to not puke while I was on the phone overpowered and took all of my concentration.

I called Carrie back and she was also angry that my pin number made no sense.


Granted, I'm sure that lady gets a lot of irresponsible people bugging her, but I had troubleshot to the best of my abilities, and I secretly wished (kind of, but not really) that something horrible had happened to me so that I could throw it in her High and Mighty face.

Case 2:


Strolled into my classroom the morning after my sub to find that it had exploded. Really. Rooms tend to be disheveled after a sub, but mine was unbelievable. I should have taken pictures. All of my markers/pens/pencils are gone, my desk was surrounded my students' desks (I literally had to climb over them to get to my desk), my posters had been ripped down, and ... my new interactive whiteboard was in pieces in my office.


I freaked out.


I panicked.


The pukey feeling I had finally conquered returned.


I desperately searched for Carrie.


Luckily, I was able to schedule an emergency computer day which resulted in me enduring so many whinerbaby comments from my kids. I sent my aide to my room to clean up and it took her two full days to somewhat put it back together. I was terrified that my Promethean Board wouldn't be the same; I had been one of the lucky ones who actually had one in working condition. The company that installed it said they'd charge a $300 reinstallation fee. Nice. My stomach hurts recalling everything.

The next day I was talking to administration, "You know how my Promethean Board got ripped down and is now in pieces in my office?"


"What!"


"Oh! I thought you knew!" as I rubbed my head. So I described the bomb that went off in my room, listed what I had done on my end, and begged administration to talk to the custodians again about putting my board up.

Apparently, District had swooped in and replaced my old whiteboards. They had to take down my Promethean Board because it was mounted on my old whiteboards. I had put an order in for new whiteboards three years ago! (My very first year of teaching; those boards were horrible.) So I have shiny new whiteboards that I don't need because now I have my Promethean Board. What a gigantic waste, another teacher should have those new boards. 


The custodians got my Promethean Board up and working by the end of the day. Phew.


3. Substitutes that insist on being my students' best friend.

• "Sure you can listen to your ipods!" and pulls out his too.


• Texts while my students are taking a test.


• Courteously helps himself to all of my whiteboard markers, overhead markers, pens, pencils, and leaves a mysterious sticky stain on my desk.
• Plays with my VCR/DVD combo.

4. Irresponsibles

• "I completely forgot about that meeting!" Really? Huh. Did you receive the two e-mail reminders that we got from the district? You did. Did you receive the reminder e-mail that I sent out two days ago? You did. Then, did you still not come to the meeting? Sure enough.

St. Georgio / Zions

We arrived Fri. night and decided to have us a little "night climb."

I could not figure out what was showing up on my pictures, but now I'm obsessed with how cool our headlamps look.Joe below, Ben above.
We camped out right at the bottom of this face.Lil' Climber's Lost Shoe

Old Lady enjoying her sketches.
A granola couple, their two dogs, and friend passed on the trail. One of their dogs was running all over the place making sure he met everyone, and the old lady huffed, "He should be on a leash, there are a lot of protected animals around here."
The couple started laughing really hard, and the husband held on to the dog's tail for a bit.
It was hilarious/horrible.Hiking up Angel's LandingMade it! I was very nervous to be this close to the edge, and yes, it's not that close.
I thought we were done, got scoffed at, and then my direction was pointed towards the "Scary Chain" part. I remember when we were little we hiked this and one of my boy cousins cried pretty hard during the chain part. Cute Referee Joe
A couple that passed us joked, "Hey, I think that's the guy that sold you your shoes."