Here I Come Halloween!

I was combing the aisles of Walmart, locating my robot costume needs, when the rack of toddler costumes proved too tempting. Pink legs called to me, I chewed my bottom lip debating the size 4-6 toddler, and then a little girl cooed, "That is really pretty."

"I know!" and I was sold.

When Uni met Malloy

Uni was a little down when I answered my phone and stopped giving him attention.

Black meets White

Get outta here!

Wild Horse Canyon/Goblin Valley/Bouldering

UEA 2008

Heiners: Ben and Thurm

Gainers: Jessica and Chris

Batemans: Amy

Greatest trip ever. I urge everyone to hike through Wild Horse Canyon, it's a must, and surprisingly easy. I would love to make this a yearly tradition.

Many of you have probably seen this literal hole in the rock gas station, but this was my first visit.

At this gas station we learned that the gas hose doesn't always rip out when left in.

Our first campsite.

I dreamt that animals were surrounding our tent all night, and I kept screaming at them to run away. In the morning we found many tracks: bunny, lizard, coyote ...

The wildest horse in Wild Horse Canyon.

I must admit that I was nervous for the 9 mile loop.

Look at how gorgeous the rock is.
Slotness.

Couldn't help but wonder our fate if there was an earthquake ... or flash flood.

Everyone else could touch the sides.

Show offs.

Ben

Thank you Thurm for snapping this picture.

Climb around?

No, no, we'll just walk through the icy/rocky water.

Deepest puddle.

I had my pants rolled up, and they still managed to take a sip.

Our little climbing gang.

Can you see the Gainer's shoes? They're amazing.

Thurm Dog

Goblin Valley

We climbed into a cave, and then met Chris' challenge to climb out this tiny hole.

My bum got stuck, and it was terrifying, but I was able to wiggle my way out.

Chasing lizards. Boys will be boys.

Looking down into Goblin Valley.

Bouldering. My lizard friend.

He had no idea I was above him, so I ended up sneaking closer, squeezing his belly, screaming, then laughing way too hard when he skittered away.

Heel hookin' Ben

Tuesday Night o' Carving Pumpkins

Mine, Ben's, Em's pumpkin childrenI love our little porch guardians.

I don't love this last picture, but I've started a healthier lifestyle, and I wanted a "before" picture. Here's to already losing 2 lbs since Tuesday!

Wednesday: I've Gone Crazy

• While my chili was warming up in the microwave, I ran upstairs to check my box. I found a huge stack of bright blue handouts intended for my TA kids. Oh no! I looked at the directions, and I was supposed to hand them out to my kids on Oct. 22 so that they could attend the Oct. 24 meeting. "Just great," I'm muttering to myself. I totally didn't hand them out, but this is not my fault. I tutor every Wednesday morning, so I checked my box at 7:00 A.M. It's not my fault that the handouts were put in afterwards. So I was standing over the garbage, ready to toss the handouts in ... Duh! Oct. 22 is next week. I am so glad that I didn't vent to one of the many teachers in the room. I am dumb.

• Here's a breakdown of the next events: (Forgive the JayDee speech.)

1. Chili exploded in microwave. It popped its top and scared me.

2. Chili wasn't done cooking, so when I tried to coax it back in, it overflowed. (Count with me, that's two times I scrubbed the already gross microwave.)

3. Chili jumped out of my hands as I was about to open the math office door.

4. Chili so messy. It sprayed itself all over the wall, under the door, and all over the carpet.

5. Me say swear.

6. Me notice that chili is covering my pants!

7. Me say yet another swear.

8. Tried to clean it up, it won't let me.

9. My entire lunch break has been foiled, my pants are disgusting ...

10. Brilliant! I'll blaze to my parent's home and borrow some of Em's pants.

11. I literally run, am I even going to make it?

12. The ONLY pants I can even FIND are her bright skin-tight yellow ones.

13. Remember the day I spilled chili all over myself, all over the floor, and my consequence was to wear bright yellow pants to the last half of school?

• Ivan cheered me up during 5th period. I have a flourescent light that insists in flashing every once in awhile. Well, it rests right above Ivan, and it did its thing. Ivan stood up, jammed his fingers into his ears, and marched to the door, and waited.

"Ivan? What are you doing?" I am so confused.

"The fire drill!" and he said this with some attitude like we were all so stupid.

We laughed and laughed, and I could not get my kids to settle because I'd giggle every time I tried to tell them to get back to work. Poor Ivan, he's so trained. Yes, a light flashes before the fire alarm goes off, but there's no way his little fingers would keep out the blaring beeps.

James' 29th Day of Birth's Dinner Celebration

Me: "Where did everybody go?

Ezra: Shrugs, "Don't know."

Me: "I think it's time for dinner! They went to dinner!"

Ezra: Screams and shakes, "Me don't want to go to dinner!"

Me: Calmly, "You don't want to go to dinner? Why?"

Ezra: Whispers, "Everybody will see me."

So Ezra strolled into the kitchen with his hoodie pulled tight over his head.

I am so ready for Halloween.

Can you tell which bot is Em and which bot is me?

Bad Habit Resurfaced

Cut my own bangs. I thought I'd licked that nervous pick.

I used to make fun of all of Zach's pictures because he has the squintiest right eye ever.

Great, thanks a lot karma.

It looks like I've been punched in the eye and nose.

Dinner with Fellow Teachers

Laurelin was in town, so she, Mike, and I headed over to a Thai restaurant. I miss my Taiwanese buddies, I miss our adventures, I miss Taiwan. I was browsing through my very first posts on this blog, and found some gems of Laurelin and Mike. I also have some amazing ones of me and Ben and Ben's beard/shock of hair. I love those pictures. I fell in love with a mountain man I guess.

"This isn't the greatest song in the world. No. This is just a tribute. Couldn't remember the greatest song in the world. No. This is just a tribute."

Tribute to Laurelinium

Me and Laurelin: The motorcycle wreck survivors.

• She's always up for anything, and I mean anything.
• She's the bravest navigator ever.
• She's not afraid to adventure by herself.
• Her crazy stories make me laugh so hard. (Once a week, I got hit by a car or a scooter ...)
• I knew she was trouble when she couldn't stop giggling at our ILP meetings in Provo.
• Her style of playing basketball is jungle.
• She's brilliantly witty.

Tribute to Mike Petrogeorge

Me and Mike in Alishan back in our Taiwan days.

• He gives the best compliments, and they are always genuine.
• He consistently makes me laugh, and he thinks I'm pretty funny. (Right Mike?)
• He's a mighty fine bowler.
• Thoughtful and generous to the max.
• When I stumbled on his prosthetic leg as I clambered into bed ... wowza! That was the grossest/most ingenious April Fool's joke ever.
• How can you not be drawn to his shockingly awesome head of hair?
• He's my favorite Greek.

Missing my Boys

Ben's in Idaho, and who knows where Malloy is.

Seriously, let me know if you see Malloy.

Andrew Wiles

No idea who he is?
Look him up, and then checkout the movie
The Proof put out by NOVA.
You will be amazed.

I had my geometry kids take a wild guess and write down who they thought Andrew Wiles was. Their worlds will be rocked on Monday when they find out his true identity.

Here are my favorites so far:

1. Person who devoted his whole life to proofs.
2. Albert Einstein's best friend?
3. The guy who invented proofs. Thanks a lot Andrew...
4. He is a magician who rides a pony named Wilson. He has written three books in his lifetime and is a senior at Yale. He likes poetry and beautiful sunsets. His favorite brand of ice cream would definitely be ... chocolate chip cookie dough!
5. The man who created proofs and conditional statements and the bang of things we learned. Or he discovered the potato, which ever.
6. A kid who's father was in love with math but he wasn't. And his father passed away and he came in love w/ math.
7. A man named after a saint and a country in Great Britain.
8. A person I don't know
9. Some dude who decided we should have proofs for some weird reason.
10. He's like the free masons, the templars, and the men in black all combined.
11. A country singer.
12. Umm ... Batman?

And my most favorite:
13. Your boyfriend.

Ryan: "Guten tag Ms. Bateman!"
Me: "Guten tag, Ryan."
Ryan: "You speak German?!"
Me: "Just a little," as I pinch my fingers.
Ryan: "Wie alt bist du?"
Me: "Ich bin sechs und zwanzig jahre alt."
Ryan: "Whoa! You are old!"
Me: "Oh please, I'm not that old."
Ryan: "I am 14 years old, and I will never get older."
Me: "Hmm ... bet you will."
Ryan: "Nope, never. Bet you $50 dollars I won't."
Me: "$50! That's a lot, done."
Ryan: "$50 is not a lot, not when I'm going to be making trillions."
Me: "Trillions? I want to make trillions. How Ryan?"
Ryan: "Let's just say it's something to do with a little accident that happened last year. What's going on with MESA?"
Me: "Have you talked to Mr. Jensen? He's in charge of our next field trip."
Ryan: "MR. THOMAS! I mean MR. JENSEN! Okay, auf wiedersehn Fraulein Bateman."
Me: "Tschus!"

Old Climbing Pics Dogwood - I conquered this last year,

it's a feel-good-about-your-skills climb because it's not too hard.
Peek-a-boo
Potato Hill - Coming down

Trying to Cheer Up Dra

I thought putting on Em's bright blue pants would do the trick. Nope, I just got a half smile from a very tired Dra.

I told her to guess who I was as I sat shaking my butt, and my mom shook her head with, "I don't get it."

Dra sighed, "She's being Emily."

Got to admit that I was pretty proud of my bubble butt for fitting into Em's blues.

Meet Malloy

This cat blundered into our yard, and he/she is here to stay. He/she has now been knighted as my cat, and I kindly named him/her Malloy. My cat is the best of all of the cats that think that our home is theirs.

Here's a taste of why.

• Malloy actually purrs and actually likes to be held.


• Malloy comes when called. (Unless he/she's nervous about one of the other cats coming around.)


• Malloy cockily continues purring while the other cats hiss and spit at him/her.


• Malloy is happy to be pet, none of this dropping the belly to the ground, refusing to be pet. (I'm talking to you Moe!)


• Malloy is so soft and so dang cute with his/her white neck and white mittens.


• Malloy already deftly avoided a kick from my dad. (Dad missed and kicked the chair, and I cannot stop laughing as I continue to hit re-play in my mind.)


• Zach opened his arms wide, called to Malloy who was clear across the yard, and Malloy came running/purring.
• Malloy is a menace to the other cats. (Trust me, they need this.)
• Malloy is a blast from the past. (Look at my Born a Batman picture on the right side of this blog.)
• Malloy likes to tell secrets.

Greatest Weekend Ever!

Friday:

• Climbed the hardest climb I've ever tried, a 9+. Please don't laugh, I'm trying to get better. Scared me so bad, I almost cried.
  
• Ate sushi with Ben and Jess.
• Longboarded up Provo Canyon, then back down Provo Canyon.
• Visited with Zach and Em.

Saturday:

• Ate a yummy breakfast with the Bateman fam.
• Rode trax to SLC (The crazies were in full swing.)
  
• Saw the circus! (I was absolutely amazed the entire time. It truly is the greatest show on earth/The most terrifying show on earth.)
  
• Ate at Jason's deli. (Free ice cream!)
• Busted it to get to the Red Lion hotel in order to catch the 5:00 P.M. Fun Bus to Wendover to visit Nat and Thurm. (Tears on my end.)
• Ate at a Mexican restaurant with Nat, Thurm, and baby Quinn
• Told scary stories

Sunday:

• Slept in late (Finally!)
• Helped Quinn get ready for church. (Tears on his end.)
• Used our free buffet ticket for lunch. (Crazy lady was there demanding that someone give her a blanket or a towel because she was too cold to eat. Amazing that they didn't have a blanket to offer, Ben and I laughed pretty hard. Later, when I snuck a peek, she was sporting a gross towel probably one fresh from being used to wipe off a table.)
  
• Played Bandu and Chicken Foot
• Hunted for frogs/scouted out old buildings/chased a lizard/mosquito bites galore
• Awesome hike
• Yummy homemade soup
• Watched a movie
• Goodbyes to Nat and Thurm
• Fun Bus home wasn't so fun at first because we almost got kicked off due to lack of room. "You could sit on my lap!" "Um ... I don't think my boyfriend would like that."

Thank you Nat and Thurm for letting us play with you and the little guy.

Pooja

I was driving to work the other morning, thinking about how it seems like I am more grumpy these days then I really should be, and an SUV politely switched lanes in front of me. 

Their license plate read POOJA.

I couldn't stop laughing; I can't stop laughing.

I was quickly brainstorming possible meanings of POOJA. 

Poo jar? (That's for you Camille.)

Poo ja! (Like "Joke's on you, I just poo'd ya!")

Jessica used it later on in the day to describe how gross something tasted. 

I will forever love POOJA.

Please, tell me what POOJA stands for.

Survived Another PTC

Parent Teacher Conference Joys:

1. Student plops down next to his beautiful mother and squeaks, "Can I take your picture?" I laugh, then realize it's not a joke, then get confused eyebrows while I question the purpose of the picture. I get a shrug from the student, with a mumbled, "Project." Then his mother mumbles, "Youtube." This is all very sketchy, so while I'm still in a confused pose, student pulls out a green camera and snaps away. Perfect, thanks. So watch for me on youtube. Look for a confused Ms. Bateman who's body is screaming for a break from being at the school for 26 of the last 48 hours.

2. "Hi, I'm Ms. Bateman. Thank you so much for coming."

"Oh, so you're the one who keeps bugging us."

Arrgh! So you have been getting my phone calls, e-mails, letters! Return my messages for crying out loud, and help me get your kid to turn in work and behave in class. (I'm not exaggerating, my last resort was to send a letter.)

3. "Hi, I'm Ms. Bateman. Thank you so much for coming," and if the parent reaches out a hand, then I shake the hand, but I never offer mine first. It's just a germaphobe thing at this point. Older gentleman reaches for my hand, and holds it firmly while he explains who he is. He then proceeds to absolutely crush the hell out of my hand. I was thinking, "Who are you? Superman back at the bar where the guy made fun of you? Let go of my hand!" He held it for way too long, and held it way too tight, to the point where I had to talk myself out of rubbing it tenderly once he let go. Then he pulled his chair closer, and to the side of me, then closer, then closer, until we were practically touching knees. Too close!

We talk and talk, I really do adore his student, and he tells me how his wife is also involved with helping and encouraging student at home, but then he starts to stammer, "You are just, I'm sorry, it's just that I'm, I'm sorry ... I think I'm old enough to be your dad."

I move the conversation right back in the direction of the student. Those kind of comments scare me because they can be completely innocent in a you-are-so-young-to-be-a-teacher way, but they also can be not so innocent. Blech

Talk talk talk, then the stammering bubbles up again, "I'm sorry," and he leans closer then he already was and stares intently at my face, "it's just that, I'm so, you're just ... You look exactly like one of my old girlfriends," and he kind of whispered the last part.

I jumped up out of my seat, and stood as I thanked him for coming, please tell student to keep it up. Thankfully, he got the cue to leave, but of course he had to crush my hand one more time before he left.

Aah! I was terrified, but then that turned into terrified laughter, and I couldn't stop. I took the two steps over to Ms. Anderson who was next to me, and thankfully, she didn't have any parents at the moment. I retold the story in a hilarious fashion, and she kept covering her face with a, "Oh no! Amy!" but I got her to laugh with me. While we're still laughing a bit, and discussing how awkward it's going to be in class because I'll associate my cute little student with dad, out of the corner of my eye I see waving. He's waving to me form across the gym, then he continues to wave as he crosses the gym, then he starts to walk backwards out of the gym, waving with two hands. 

Not as bad as a wonky eye, but I do have wonky toes. 

My sisters always laugh really hard when my heart gets sad because fitting my toesies into those toe separators never quite works. However, I've had two Christmas miracles this year. My sweet pedicurist has been able to get my toes to cooperate! Feel free in joining me in patting my toes on the back. 

*Pic shown is not of my toes.