When I filled Em in on my idea to take the short-haircut journey, she secretly took a picture of me and Eli at Zach's wedding, horsed around with it at school, and with the help of photoshop produced these fine looking gems.
Okay, one of them = Woof

"Buzz's girlfriend, woof!"

( I don't know why the initial photo won't upload, but I'm leaving the gray mystery box. Underneath the cloudiness is my original hair length. )

Em found this story in her e-mail. I laughed as I was reminded of it all and then felt like crying because I miss my Taiwan adventures desperately.

Yesterday morning (April 28, 2006) it was raining, and I had recently thrown away my ginormous yellow poncho. It was big enough to fit over my backpack and still almost reach my toes. Well, last time I wore it I was in too big of a hurry to yank it off and I snagged it on my backpack and ripped it a little bit, plus it stunk, gross. I don't know why, I always let it hang out to dry. No big deal, I just need to run to the 7-11 and pick up another. I pedaled my little heart out on the way to school, thinking the faster that I rode, the less wet I would be. I managed to ride through a deep puddle, I started worrying less and less about how wet I was, there was no avoiding it.

I gingerly rounded the corner on to the narrow street that leads to my school, cars usually come out head on, and there's not a lot of room so you have to be wary. No cars yet, so I started warming up to full speed when the neighbor's rooster came bolting out into the road. He's a really pretty guy, bold yellows and oranges and deep greens. He's cool, I always look for him when I'm riding home, he just chills behind this building that we pass. I assume he's a pet, he seems domesticated. A lot of the people here have chickens and roosters for pets. So he comes bolting out, I put my foot down to stop, and right behind the rooster trots this filthy, stubby-legged, squatty, extended-bellied, homeless-looking dog.

The rooster is jumping and running and flapping his wings, and the dog reaches out and grabs the rooster under his stretched out left wing. The dog starts to shake him as the rooster screams and flails. I'm at a loss. Do I kick the dog? Do I try to pull them apart? Do I shout? Is this dog starving to death, is it fair for me to deny him this? Do I go tell someone that their rooster is seconds from being torn apart? Basically I sit and debate, terrified that I'm going to watch our beloved rooster be eaten.

Luckily the rooster managed to crane his neck just right so that he could nip the dog, the dog released, and the rooster sprinted back behind the building. The dog made an attempt to follow, but kind of held back. Well... I didn't want to be late for school, so I laughed nervously, shook my head, shrugged my shoulders, and took off for school. I related the scenario to the one in The Christmas Story when Farkus is beating up that boy, and Ralphy and his friends won't help because the bell rang.

I was worried about it though, I was worried that my inaction cost the rooster his life, that gross dog probably sauntered back and grabbed poor Mr. Rooster. I told my kids the entire story, acted it out, drew pictures, they laughed insanely. I asked them if they thought the rooster was okay, "No, he's dead," they reassured me. Sigh. Later, during word skills practice, I heard the rooster crow. My face lit up, and I yelled, "The rooster's okay! I heard him! Do you hear him? The rooster's alive!," then my kids started pounding their desks and chanting, "The rooster is alive! The rooster is alive!" Then Harrison pointed out that it could be another rooster that we could hear, and I got nervous again.

After class, when all of the teachers were punching out, I told the story again. Elizabeth tried to reassure me that the rooster was okay because, "Rooster's are really tough. I heard one time about cock fights, and they seem to be good fighters." It was hilarious because she whispered cock fights, like saying it was illegal, but in my head I was thinking, "Sure they can be tough, but he was up against a dog, a starving dog!" I hopped on my bike, and Andrea mounted her scooter, and I told her that I was going to go look for feathers, to which she repiled, "Feathers? Oh, is that the rooster's name?" What? No, that's not his name! I really was going to go see if there were feathers on the ground, not to collect them or anything ... how the heck would I know the rooster's name? Andrea laughed really hard when I pointed all of this out. We rode by, and the rooster was just chillin' in his regular spot. Good ol' fighty-back rooster.

Angel lost her tooth in class, these kids don't have an extensive library of English words, so she explained what happened through hand motions and sound effects. "I eh-eh-eh-eh-eh (she's wiggling her tooth), and then shoooooom (she makes a rainbow indicating her tooth flew out)." I felt bad because as I replay the dialogue that was going on while I was focusing on helping Kenneth write the word drench, I can remember Angel in the background saying, "My teeth fall out, my teeth fall out!" but I wasn't giving her any attention. So eventually I tuned in and realized what she was saying and we all had a good laugh. I grabbed the empy baggy that our snacks had been in, tossed her tooth in, and tied a knot. We had a discussion about when to use tooth and when to use teeth. Hope they retain it.

Breakthrough at the end of class: Kenneth puked in the garbage. You have no idea how excited I was, how excited our entire class was. Kenneth pukes a lot, he's puked three days this week. I had this hypothesis that he pukes after he's been crying, but yesterday he wasn't crying. He always pukes at the end of class, poor little bugger. He manages to puke all over himself, it's horrible, smelly, and super sad. I keep having these open discussions with my kids about puking, you don't have to come to Miss Amy to tell me you're about to puke, you don't have to raise your hand, you don't have to wait for permission to puke, save that precious time and run to the garbage, or the bathroom, whichever is the best option. As we're doing our closing duties yesterday, I watch as Kenneth saunters over to the garbage, holds his arms up and out, kind of forming the upper case M, and pukes hard core into the garbage. Harry yells, "Kenneth puke in the garbage! It's green!" Our entire class erupted, we were all so happy, he made it. His puke wasn't green, I don't know where Harry got that, but poor Kenneth, we were all telling him good job, way to go buddy, we were literally celebrating that he puked. I made a huge deal about it, I wanted to reinforce the behavior. I asked him if he felt better and he just shrugged his shoulders.

One of our most eventful days in KBRa.

I just got dropped off at Ben's apartment because I have to borrow his car tomorrow. He's sleeping like a little lamb, and I'm secretly super annoyed, so I'm taking advantage of his internetness.

I lamely just rear-ended another car, but proudly did so with only one swear word throughout the entire process. It boils down to the traffic stopping abruptly, and me not stopping so abruptly. Luckily, the lady behind me barely missed slamming into my car. Another lucky, the car that I hit only had some scratches, but my gray little Jetta is an eye-sore.

I checked on the girl, we were both fine, then called it in and got more and more angry at myself. After trying to call a few people without any answers, I got back out to check on the high-schooler. I did ask her age, just as I thought, seventeen. "I'm 25 and should know better," I admitted sheepishly. She used my phone and left messages for her family, apologizing the whole time for 'using minutes.' Are you kidding? I just hit you kid.

We were in the middle lane, and pulling off was out of the question because the outside lane was the entrance to I-215, so we made everything awkward for all travelers. I love those type of time wasting accidents. I also love when people honk at accidents. Just makes everything so much more pleasant.

A couple and their young son was waiting on the sidewalk across the street, the motherly one making advances like she was going to weave through the traffic. I asked the girl if that was her family, nope. So the lady ran up to us, confessed that she was a ... nurse ... she didn't say nurse, but I can't remember what she said. Something along those lines. "Yeah, I just got off work, and me and my girlfriend just took my son out to eat." To which I scrunched up my eyes and looked back across the street, funny, your girlfriend totally looks like a man. It was super nice of her to stop and check on us, "Oh, I have to by law." Still, it was nice.

Our lady cop was kind, and she answered all of my questions politely. She explained the paperwork, eventually getting to, "Right here you need to write a description of what happened, and in this box, you need to draw a picture." I caught my laugh before it escaped and with as little sass as possible asked if I had to draw a picture. Yup. So I drew two squares with circles on each corner and wrote the work KABLAMMO between them.

After filling out the paperwork, I sat in my car and frantically tried to get a hold of anyone. While I listened to voicemail after voicemail, I painfully watched the other girl's family arrive. She got quivery lip, and bawled and bawled and hugged and hugged. I was instantly pissed at her for being so dramatic. Unreasonable thoughts such as: Your car is just scratched, mine needs a tow truck. You're not the bad guy in this situation. You were able to get a hold of people therefore more people love you than love me ... I know, I was being insane, but fatty tears were totally running down my cheek. Then I was pissed at myself for being so judgmental and for crying, and then I totally had cryry voice from that point on.

My mom called in the middle of all of this, and I blubbered that I just got in a wreck and that I'd have to call her back. Her, "Oh honey!" brought on more tears. I was able to talk to my dad later who was all business and of course I don't want to cry in front of him so I was able to calm my jangled nerves. He's so extremely level-headed, I love it.

My dear little Karen picked me up and brought me to Ben's while my poor little car left with Shamrock Towing. Not my luckiest of days.

Ben basically hibernates when he sleeps, and after many failed attempts to wake him up, I was super angry. I held his face and practically screamed that I needed his car keys. I said it a few times, increasing in volume each time, while his eyes rolled and fluttered open and shut. This put me at boiling point. Eventually, I retrieved the keys, and announced that I had to go sleep at my parents. He sat in sleepy shock, saying nothing. I just stared at him in disbelief, I'd just wrecked my car, and I get nothing. I'm pretty sure I said something dramatic like, "Did you hear what I said!" and then I got teary and whispered that all I needed was a lot of huggins. "Well then, get over here," and I cried and cried between his super strong hugs, snores, back to super strong hugs, snores ...

Arcade Fire concert!
September 26 I got to see them for the second time this year. The Heiners and I saw them up at The Gorge in May, and we all agreed that they were our absolute favorite, even better than the Beastie Boys.
LCD Soundsystem opened for them, and they set us up perfectly for Arcadeness.
Man oh man how I love Arcade.

** Ben chopped off most of his finger at work earlier that day, poor little tyke.
** Once again, pictures are coming, I don't know what it is with this computer and the internet ...

Dr. Hall went to town on my poor little teeth. Because I'm not the best flosser, I had to have three cavities taken care of. I had to have three shots which morphed into four shots because I wasn't numb at one point ... yikes. I hate cavities, and now I understand when people say they hate going to the dentist.
So I looked like a fool, and even more unfortunately, the numbness lasted for almost 24 hours. I was scared that my face had frozen.

Fabulous picture is on her way ...

I have a new dentist, Dr. Hall. I already prefer him to my previous dentist, the one who called me Bob two times in a row. The first time I didn't know if he was talking to me. The second time, as he started to get annoyed that I didn't reply, I got annoyed. I'm a girl; look up from your chart.

The hygienist and I had a nice little chat, but once the instruments were in my mouth, that of course ceased most talking. The t.v. in the ceiling taunted me, I didn't want to watch the Disney channels, but I couldn't find anything enticing. Until ... sweet discovery channel popped up.
I watched the tail end of "King of the Nile: Hippo," and started a special on crocodiles. I've watched a lot of shows on crocodiles, I'm obsessed with my fear of them. I saw the worst footage ever while I lay with my mouth stretched open. My eyes got wider and wider as I watched a crocodile clench on to the back of a zebra's head, hold it for a minute, then pull her backwards (the zebra was forced into a back flip basically), and drown her. I blinked and realized that I should focus; I had been clenching my mouth. The poor hygienist was probably wondering why the heck I wasn't keeping my mouth open.
When the bubbly dentist came in, he asked if I was watching crocodiles or alligators, and I confessed that it was crocodiles, but that I probably shouldn't be because I was getting too into it. The two had a good laugh, then simultaneously we all looked up at the screen just in time to catch crocodile sex. The male's leg was shaking and everything.

I have three cavities, sigh, two of which are "flossing cavities." When asked about my flossing habits, I honestly said that I'm not the best, and the doctor tilted his head back and laughed. "Me either," ha ha ha, "you and me both." Couldn't help but shrug my shoulders to this reaction. It wasn't that witty, I was being honest. He asked what my plans were later, and I said a barbecue. "Family?" as he put his face in front of mine.
"Friends," I answered as I played with my bib that I'd spit on previously. (Water shot out of my mouth when the hygienist told me to close it ... that happened twice actually.)
Now I'm curious. Just a friendly dentist? He wasn't wearing a wedding ring ...

I stopped at my parents' and gave everyone the good news about my three cavities. My mom reminded me of how long I went without having any cavities. Emily keeps exposing these gem stories, and I want to shake her for not telling us as soon as they happen. She said that the dentist held on to her shoulder, and stated, "I assume you've never had braces." She has, so our family erupted in laughter. Zach reminded us that none of this compares to the time when Andrea was handed a bag with, "And here's your prescription for your bad breath."

I was dragged by my elbows to Hairspray last night. I'll admit without shame that I was eventually sitting straight up with my hands clasped in front of me, absolutely giddy, constantly checking with those around me to see if they were as excited as I was. I laughed so hard; I loved every inch of it up and down.

I can't help but fall asleep during movies. I've trained my body to know that when the lights go out, it's time to sleep. I fight it, but sleep always wins, regardless of the quality of the film. No sleeping during Hairspray; it's probably the first film in at least two years. You can take that to the reviews.

I heart Link. He winked, and I was done.

Me and my Ezra surviving wedding number two.

My cousin, Logan, has been dutifully sending us e-mails pumped full of old photos.

Big sigh, I love these two of my Grandma and Grandpa.

LuJean Carver

and

Norman Elmer Carver

You’re not worth it babe, the trouble you bring, the noise you keep, and you don’t even care.
I'm so sick of you babe.
Nights wasted, I’m through faking.
You don’t turn me on, you don’t do anything at all.
Baby, I can’t stand the sight of your face.
Baby, I don’t even wanna hear your name.
Don’t know what I saw, but I ain't seeing it now.
Woke up this morning bitterness in my mouth.
Guess I fell too fast, guess I learned my lesson.
So much for true love,
I’ll take the chivas instead.
I'll take the shivers instead.
You're too high maintenance, babe.
All the time you spent trying to fit in, and no one even cares.
It’s so ridiculous babe, watching you turn as I burn.
It’s like I’m not even there.
Baby, don’t you try and hold my hand.
Maybe, you should keep your eyes on your new girlfriend.
Don’t know what I saw, but I ain't seeing it now.
Woke up this morning bitterness in my mouth.
Guess I fell too fast, guess I learned my lesson.
So much for true love,
I’ll take the Chivas instead.
Oh I'll take the Chivas instead, over your bed.
It wasn’t even good, trust me.
I must have been so, so, so, so lonely.
You...are...crap.
You should keep your eyes on your new little brat.
It’s hard not to look I know.
I’m amazed as you.
I love you, Chivas.

As I'm talking, my words slip to the floor,
and they crawl through your legs
and slide under the back door.
Rendering me freakish and dazed.
Well here I am.
Don't know how to say this.
Only thing I know is awkward silence.
Your eyelids close when you're around me
to shut me out.
So I'll go walking in the streets 'til my heels bleed,
and I'll sing out my song case the birds wish to sing along.
And I'll dig a tunnel to the center of the universe.
Well here I am.
Don't know how to say this.
Only thing I know is awkward silence.
Your eyelids close when you're around me
to shut me out.
I'll make my way across the frozen sea,
beyond the blank horizon,
where I can forget you and me
and get a decent night's sleep.
Well here I am.
Don't know how to say this.
Only thing I know is awkward silence.
Your eyelids close when you're around me to shut me out.
To shut me out.

You can spite me in your own sane ways.
You can tear me down.
Say you love me, just to turn your back.
You are so cunning with your cutting remarks,
you don't want to break the rhythm.
As family taught and families often do:
Be careful what you're giving.
Say what you will,
then walk away.
Never come back again.
You can have your lies,
and I fall apart,
but you never could break my heart.
Cause you faded in,
and you'll fade back out.
So heaven help you if you someday regret
the way you treated me.
Spend every minute of my life regretting you,
trying to rid myself of your disease.
Oh please.
Say what you will,
then walk away.
Don't ever come back again.
You can have your lies,
and I fall apart,
but you never could break my heart.
Cause you faded in
and you'll fade back out.
Say what you will,
walk away,
don't ever come back again.
You can have your lies,
and I fall apart,
but you never could break my heart.
Cause you faded in
and you'll fade back out.

I've waited not-so-patiently, and now thanks to Hogle Zoo, I'll finally be able to meet my precious little Ghost of the Bayou. One of these posters will eventually make its way home with me.

A not-so-white alligator, tuckered out red panda , and monkey sporting a monkey on shirt while sitting in front of a monkey behind glass.

Whatcha looking' at mister?

Sweet, sweet Hogle Zoo gift shop.

The pictures don't rock, but His Majesty is so amazing. I had the goofiest smile the entire time. I had built him up so much that I was nervous that I would fall hard, but how could I have ever doubted him?

Umm ... believe me, I will.

Prepping before our Ghost of the Bayou encounter. I was so nervous: dry mouth, sweaty palms. I didn't want the camera to catch my tears of fear.

At the Krabi beaches in Thailand, I was obsessed with, of course, the crabs. I couldn't get enough of the hermit crabs, and I giggled every time I saw a crab gingerly side-step out of his hole to roll a tiny ball of sand out. I loved the spattering of small patterns of balls of sand that littered the beach.

I've been up in Park City for the last two weeks at a PCMI conference. This is my afternoon working group, and I adore all of them. Most of them are crazy, but we all know that the crazies are my favorite. I know that there are more pictures of me: me and Governor Huntsman, me making a fool of myself playing the Price is Right ... I need to find all of them, and I will ... probably.
In the morning session (before this lovely group meets) we meet with all of the teachers involved with the Secondary Ed part of PCMI. There are about 100 + involved, many from different parts of the world. I was quietly pulled aside at breakfast by Kelley and asked to be involved in the Price is Right opening game. We play Games of the Day and then attack math problems that involve those games. It's nerdy, and I love it. I nervously ate my raspberry yoplait, and then tall/rugby playing/I have the majorest crush on him/silly boy in a man's body Ben came by and asked if I was okay with playing. I wanted to be witty so that he'd instantly fall in love with me and explain that I'd already been drafted, but instead I gloriously replied, after a nervous swallow, "Yes."
"For the game of the day today," Bowen shouted into his mic, "we have randomly chosen ... Amy!" I had been so nervous all morning, knowing that I would be in front of so many people, wondering if I was going to make a complete fool of myself by making a lame comment or goofing up a math problem. I was trapped in the middle of all of these tables, but I made sure to make a Price is Right worthy run to the front involving a tricky leap over a chair and wild waves of both arms. I debated kissing Bowen on the cheek ... nah, too weird. I made a big dramatic deal about slipping in lame comments. "I've watched your show since day one," this got the crowd laughing considering we've only played for seven days. Bowen said I got to choose any game that I wanted to, but I knew that they were set up to play Plinko, so I crossed my fingers and begged them to let me play Plinko.
It wasn't very fun to play because I did nothing except cheer on the chip as it bounced off of the pegs on the computer animation. I didn't get to push any buttons, but I was a great contestant regardless. I sank to my knees as I managed to $0 on the first drop, jumped in circles when I landed $10,000, and did a little jig when I left with $10,500. Why did the jig have to come out? Oh well, they ate it up. Ben cupped his hands, encouraging "Let's hear it for Amy!" He's definitely falling for me ...

Supply wish-list:

"Two Ms. Batemans to help us."


CRT testing is stressing my babies out.
"Smells like CRT in here."

Kenneth broke out in hives today. He'd laugh, scratch, complain, and repeat. After realizing that a touch of his finger brought a hive, he proceeded to trace a smiley face on his face resulting in hive smiley face. Dear, sweet, Kenneth.
Tyson naughtily pointed out, "My STD never looked like that," to which I clucked and shook my head at the inappropriateness. "Oh! Ms. Bateman! I'm just kidding, oh, I'm sorry! I've never ..." He was super embarassed that I overheard.

* Papa Bear just beat me at birthday croquet. Ugh ... I've maintained first place for two whole weeks.

I'll add detail later ... just don't want to forget.

* My dear handball buddies.
* Burrito discussion was aided by burritoish smell drifting through vents.
* Curse our rainy fire drill that was right after our lockdown drill
* "You hate build a bear?! That's where one of my best friends came from."
* Croquet to the max
* Down with clothes thieves
* Ezra back bites (not bites back)
* "You're really late, but we know how to take care of ourselves."
* Nathaniel gets a taste.

Sunday Surprises:

Brett came and picked us (Janey, Lizbeth, Jen, and I) up, and we headed to Kaysville to hear Kathryn speak. We were a tad late, but were told we could go sit on the stand if we'd like. Brett led the way, while Kathryn smirked at our train. Brett wrote her a note, delivered it during the sacrament song, and she shared it at the beginning of her talk. "Some of my buddies from Taiwan are here, and they wrote me a note that they 'Have my back.'" I was embarrassed, and Brett whispered in my ear that it was supposed to be between us, not the entire congregation.

It was horrible sitting on the stand because I was so tirey from staying out late with everyone the night before. There were a couple of boys at the back of the chapel horsing around, hugging/wrestling, and then they both stood up, but one was bear hugging the other. They started walking towards the door, and I realized that they weren't "wrestling," one boy was carrying the other because he didn't have legs or arms. He was just a torso. I was so curious. They were gone for a long time, I accidentally took a cat nap even though I was sitting on the stand in full view of all of the Kaysvillees, but I saw the boys come back in. The one boy dropped the other off on the floor, and an older guy clasped his hands around the boy's neck. The man held on to torso boy's neck (sorry if the label "torso boy" is inappropriate), and started swinging him really fast round and round in circles. I was in shock. It seemed irreverent/hard-hearted/unhealthy. I was riveted, I couldn't even point it out to Brett to get his reaction. Once the man released, torso boy just kind of shook out his neck, and then they went at it again. It was hypnotizing.

We gave hugs all around afterwards, anxious to get out of there. We started to make our way around the lingering groups of church-goers, and I felt a hand grab my arm. Sweet Larry Belnap pulled me into a hug. I haven't seen that sucker since we jumped off Big Toe at Hyrum Dam up in Cache Valley. On one of his jumps he actually landed on a sunken scooter. That was such a great summer, big sigh. He introduced me to his wife, and we caught up a bit, and I filled him in on the status of James and Jackie. He started to bring up the "Monster in the Corn" experience ... I laughed, but my cheeks were pretty pink. We talked about Boony, and Jaren, and James Barnard, and James Crowley ... I miss my boys.

Home teachers are on their way tonight ... I can't wait to add to my pile of awkward Nathaniel encounters.

More Angkorwat pictures. Becca, Andrea, and I had so much fun clambering all over everything.

Angkor Wat is undescribable. I can't explain how much I loved it.