This morning I went on a walk with my mom up Porter Rockwell trail. We said good morning to a lot of people, sweat a little, and laughed at how similar my dad and Nick are. Sheesh. "You married your dad!" she teased me.
I had a brief panic attack as I was curling my hair earlier. "What the what?" I whispered as I put down the straightener and pulled two small soft pink flesh-colored pieces out of my hair. I ran to Nick begging him to tell me I didn't have a flesh-eating bacteria attacking my scalp. I turned them over a few times in my hand, we stared in silence, then I happily said, "Oh! It's turkey!" (Nick had made me a turkey sandwich earlier).
I practically skipped back to the bathroom; what a relief! Nick cried out, "How the hell did you get turkey in your hair?!" Dear Nick: Welcome to the mysterious adventures of Amy Bateman ... er ... Guyaux.
Saturday, July 28, 2012
Friday, July 27, 2012
Does anyone read blogs anymore?The post format has changed, I'm nervous!
I got married, yup. The mister's out with friends, so here I am, blogging on a Friday night! Here's two somewhat funny stories to help motivate me to get back on the blog bus.
#1) Nick has too much stuff according to me. My inner need to keep all things clean and put
away has come out in full force now that I have a husband. Boxes of what I consider pure hoarder's crap keep appearing, and I want to cry silently into my pillow.
The other night we were getting ready to go clean the temple, and Nick kindly asked me to help him go through his boxes and help him throw things away. This was both ground- and heartbreaking. The idea of going through boxes of things such as his childhood toys sounds like Amy torture. The fact that he might throw things away sounds like Amy heaven.
I tread cautiously and said I was not okay with helping because my default setting has been set to throw away for the past 15 years. I also backed that up with evidence of my complete lack of feeling sentimental for anything. He said he admired me for these qualities, and he needed help throwing stuff away. I responded with a safe conjecture that if I helped, I would throw something away, and it would secretly hurt his feelings, and he would bring it up at a family reunion years later.
He laughed and said the last thing his Grandmother said to him before she went back to California after our wedding was, "You need to throw stuff away." I never officially said yes to helping him go through his stuff.
As I'm tying my shoes, Nick mentioned that there is one thing he's sentimental about. He started to get into a story about how when he was little, he had a dog, and it died, so he kept the dog's collar. Midsentence, Nick stops, "Why are you shaking your head?" My body betrayed me! I didn't even realize I was already responding via body language to how I felt about this confession. I apologized, and he kept going. He was verge emotional and finished with, "I also saved the rock my dog died next to."
I was so proud of myself for keeping it together and neither laughing nor gagging.
#2) I laughed really hard behind Nick's back today.
After smushing spiders in the looked-like-it's-never-ever-been-deep-cleaned-before bathroom and getting scared, I finally went and got Nick and asked for his help. I was really nervous about some of the small spaces, so I begged him to do it. "I've already killed four big spiders," when truthfully they weren't too big, and technically one was dead already because I sprayed him to hell with clorox.
So eventually, Nick was bent down scrubbing by our shower, so I went to the kitchen, grabbed a garbage sack and came back. I literally was gone for a max of 20 seconds.
Once I walked back into the bathroom, he whipped around and said, "You cannot leave again!"
I stammered, "Okay ... I just grabbed a garbage sack..." holding up the garbage as evidence.
He pointed behind him and said, "Well, there was a spider sneaking up on me from behind,
and you weren't here to warn me!"
Friday, February 24, 2012
Wednesday, February 01, 2012
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Me: "Looks like you copied."
Student: "I'm pretty sure I didn't?" Really said with a question mark.
Me: "Pretty sure?"
Student: “I wrote my schedule on my hand, but my sister’s hamster tried to bite science off this morning.”
I'm about to read Tina Fey's Bossypants, and I've already laughed and sent a funny text before opening the book. Can't wait.
Friday, January 06, 2012
Nothing like having a good cry while taking a bubble bath.
1) Zach and Em went to Disneyland and let us keep Toby for the whole week. I have been so excited to leave work and head straight to my parents' to play with my Toby mister. The crying started when I thought about how Toby has to go home tomorrow.
2) Best. Parents. Ever. I would have cried about this earlier, but I was busy riding the train at the mall with Toby. (Shout out to the exfoliating kiosk guy for trying to hit on me while I was briskly walking past with Toby on my hip: Thanks, you made me smile.)
3) Sometimes I cannot make my brain stop rehashing every detail about my school day. While boohooing (in a good way) in the tub, I remembered:
Me: "Guys, you are pros at this, absolute pros. Keep it up!"
7th grade boy in all seriousness: "Why wouldn't we be? You're our teacher."
4) I have a really really tough girl this year. She has aspergers and is incredibly stubborn. One of my adorable little 7th grade girls came and told me today that yesterday after school, she invited this girl to the library so that they could study together for today's test. I have never come so close to hugging and lifting a student off the ground for being so amazing.