Please be my Gym Buddy

• lunges around the 3/4 of the perimeter of the gym combined with shoulder presses
• last 1/4 up the lunges to bouncing lunges
• bike on a level that feels like you can't even push it down until you finally get it spinning for one minute as fast you can, immediately jump off and do a set of 12 shoulder raises (repeat this process two more times)
• run up and down the stairs as fast you can for one min, immediately do 10 squat jumps (think of a frog bending down touching the ground, then jumping straight up as high as he can, smoothly going straight back into squatting and touching the ground), then a set of twelve shoulder lifts (arms straight out in front of your body), repeat this process three more times
• feel like you're going to fall down the stairs because your quads are so wobbly and tight
• talk yourself into not puking
• get dizzy
• sweat like a logger
• finish and grab a yoga mat, and pretend to stretch
• close your eyes, camp out, get scared to be able to stand up again
• swear off working out
• convince yourself that you have to run at least two miles on the treadmill (you've got your new Bon Iver purchase to sweeten this idea)
• stumble into the pitch black Cardio Cinema, use your ipod as a flashlight so you don't bang into the ellipticals
• start entering info on the treadmill, look around, no one's around, not too bad
• look up at the screen and realize this is an older movie ... with Gizmo!
• literally run out of there, terrified and mad

Dear Gym Buddy,

If you were with me, I wouldn't have been so scared of Gremlins because I wouldn't have been alone in the dark.

Visit soon,

Sweaty Belly