As I was running to my front door, I saw one of my hometeachers on his way up the sidewalk.

Homey: "Amy! Hey! Did I just see you coming from Trax?"

Me: "Yeah, I had a conference down in Salt Lake both yesterday and today."

Homey: "You ride your trax to work?"

Me: "No, I had a conference at the Salt Palace."

Homey: "Is your hair darker?"

Me: "Yup, and shorter."

Homey: "Yeah ... it definitely ... looks darker."

I start laughing and have to stop myself from slapping my forehead.

Homey: "No, no! What I mean by that is it looks good. Real good."

Nice.

Please let me be 

Bragosaurus 

for a Moment

A couple of months ago, my principal asked to see my resume. Confused and terrified since I haven't updated that thing since I got hired, I warily asked why. She confessed that she was nominating me for an outstanding teacher award through the Jordan Education Fund. I bit my lip, and told her that I was extremely flattered. It had been one of those days, and I need to hear those things more often than I do.

Thursday afternoon, after riding Trax home from a conference I attended at the Salt Palace, my eyes took a little siesta even though I was trying to read my book. My phone woke me up. Why was Eastmont Middle calling? Oh crap, probably something with my sub and how he had written on my promethean board with a marker. (I hid those dang markers on purpose! Where did he find a marker? I hope the kids gave him crap all day long.)

My principal: "Amy! It's Jan!"

Trying to mask my sleepy smoker voice was impossible.

My principal: "You got it!"

Me: "I got ... ?"

"You won the award! Of course I told you that you would!"

So she read the letter that they had sent her, and promised to bring my copy tomorrow to our conference.

Wahoo! What a great pat on the back. I also get some money, which my mom suggested using to buy a computer or laptop. Great idea, I was probably just going to pay off some more of my student loan. I am so excited to attend the fancy dinner at Little America. Unfortunately, Ben will be at training in California. I'll be the classy adult attending with her parents ...

Any suggestions on a dress?

Warning! Language at the end of the video.

James introduced me to this clip.

It's the perfect thing when you're in the mood for a quick cringe and a hearty laugh.

"It's not scratched, it's broken. Oh ... this is broken?"

Poor homeless guy.

Dra found this and posted it on her blog first.
I had to steal it, and I will confess that it really got to me. (As in close to tears.)
Apparently, my true love is MarioKart.
I heart that game.

Take a Chill Pill

Hometeachers. Where to even start? Crazy to the max seems to cover all bases.

Today's riddle unfolded when my home teacher (just one home teacher was present which is a completely different, possibly unbloggable story) reminded me that I got to choose who said the prayer because I'm head of the household. He loves saying this every single month, and I pinch my hand to keep my eyes from rolling. "I'll say the opening prayer if you say the closing."

Unfortunately, during the prayer I managed, "We are so glad that Joseph is here to visit teach."

Prayer ends, Joseph frowns.

"I'm here to home teach."

I was so confused, but quickly caught on, and laughed, "Oh! Did I say visit teach?" Ha ha ha. However, apparently I found it way too funny.

"I'm here to home teach." My laughing skidded to a stop. 

Sorry! It's not like you're going to turn into a girl because I said visit teach instead of home teach in a prayer!

P.S. Teaching an entire lesson about the importance of prayer, and then leaving without saying a closing prayer ... priceless.

I want my own place!

Can I, please? Where do I even start? I am so oblivious to all of this. Why didn't I look when I first got my big-girl job? All of these years paying rent ... what a tremendous waste. 

Is this out of reach with a single income? I have become obsessed with looking at stupid craigslist and all of the flashy pictures of tempting townhouses that seem unattainable.

In The Know: Are Our Children Learning Enough About Whales?

"I remember learning that song in school."

Can't get enough of this radical video.

Thank you Faker for keeping it real deal Holyfield.

The Day of My Birth

Ben blew it out of the water with these orange tulips.

Em and my mom arranged these bad boys, and they're still hanging on!

I got to play with the boys all night.

Zach: "We saved the best for last, we bought your favorite nintendo game!"

I patiently pretended like I was enjoying my party as it wrapped up, but inside I was desperate to escape downstairs so that I could beat Life Force.

The Day

• Worked out with Ben. (I was slightly grumpy though. Who works out on their birthday?)
• Ben made me a delectable lunch.
• Shopped with Em ... and Ben. (Poor Ben.)
• Squeezed in a game o' bowling. The night before, Ben, Anth, and I bowled, and I bowled a 132. That's quite good for me, and I beat the men, so that's quite good for my ego.
• Ate the best birthday dinner ever. I hesitated as I requested Thai food for my birthday dinner, but my mom took on the challenge, and boy howdy, it was amazing! (I'm still craving the soup.)
• Showed off the flowers Ben gave me.
• Kicked around the mess of balloons that Dra had blown up for me. (The boys loved this the most.)
• Opened hilarious/thoughtful/useful presents.
• Beat Life Force

What a grand celebration; thanks to everyone for wishing me the best.

Math Class Gamble
Should poker be taught in school?

Ms. Jensen gave me an article that she planned to use in her class, and I turned around and used it in my classes. I had my students read an article about whether or not we should be teaching poker in math. They had to monitor their understanding, make a choice (yes or no) to whether or not we should be teaching poker in school, then defend their choice. I was amazed at how thoughtful their debates were, and delighted with the silly kids' thoughts.

Here's a taste:

"Well if it's illegal to gamble in some states they shouldn't teach it."
"When kids get money, they might even gamble at school, and that might lead to bullying."
"No, cuz kids develop a gambling problem. They also might spend their college fund."

Nervous about this one:

"Yes, because when you grow up and you lost your job and almost all of your money you can try to win some more money by poker."

Laughed the hardest at this one:

"No, wait let me think ... NOOOOO!!!! Would kids want to bring hundreds of dollars to school every day to gamble on?! NO!"

Student:
"Ms. Bateman! You're the neigh in my horse. You're the spur in my boots. You're the fire that ignites my bullet."

Me:
"Calm down cowboy, let's get to work."

My Dad's Christmas Delight:

I boxed up Malloy (my dad's enemy number one),

worried all the way to Rupert, Idaho,

poured Malloy out of the box in a midst of a blizzard,

and prayed for the best.

Ben's mom and dad live in Idaho, and his mom graciously said it'd be okay to let Malloy join the crowd. Ben's dad wasn't as excited.

I was racked with worries about cute little Malloy:

Will he get enough food?

Will he be too cold?

Was he someone's cat?

Will he make friends?

Ben's dad was excited to show us his new idea to keep the cats from jumping up in the window sill and staring in at them. He had pounded nails through a thin board and put the board in the window sill.

Added to my worries about Malloy:

Oh great, I've brought him to a cat-hating house.

The pictures are tiny and not as fun because it's a scanned copy of both sides of the postcard I sent to my dad. Two days after Christmas, my dad found this treat in the mail. My dad laughed out loud with a "REALLY? He's gone! Really?" He was so proud of me.

The Postcard:

Dear Mr. Bateman,

I decided to end the fussin' and the feudin'. I reluctantly packed my box and made the long journey to Rupert, Idaho.

Maybe one day you can come visit me; you are welcome at my shed anytime.

Meow, meow,

Malloy

The Cut



Parker cut a huge chunk off while it was dry. I felt like I was on a makeover show.

I love that Emily's spectacular pictures of Washington D.C. are occassionally interrupted by pictures such as this one.

So confused.

This guy looks EXACTLY like my dad. Why didn't Emily tell me this story?

Oh ... turns out I'm looking at old pictures from my mom and dad's trip awhile back.

I guess my dad is the one who kept snapping shots of squirrels.

Geometry Guffaws

All of last week, my geometry kids have been working their way through a hands on project involving special special segments in a triangle. At the beginning of this week, I explained that everything they had been able to do with their hands, we could do on the computer.

"Are you kidding! We could have done all of this on a computer?!"

"Oh yeah, it is so cool."

Grumble, grumble, grumble from the students.

One part of the computer assignment encouraged the students to create a circle around their triangles, but the three vertices of the triangle had to touch the edges of the triangle. This is called circumscribing the triangle. One of my kids eagerly called me over, "Ms. Bateman, did I circumcise this right?"

"Um..."

His ears immediately blushed bright red. He looked to his left, glanced to his right, nobody had noticed except him and me. We had a great chuckle together.

Later, I was so insanely bored watching them work on the computers. They are so good and so dedicated that I just sit and watch and maybe every ten minutes clarify something for one student. I'm thankful of course, but yeesh, what a long class period. So ... I decided that we needed to practice a lock down.

"What would we do if they came over the intercom and said we needed to go into a lockdown?"

"Get under the desks!"

"So let's practice, I'll go get the lights." The kids scrambled to hide themselves in the small space below their computer.

"No, no, no, this won't work. It is quite obvious that you are in here, your papers are everywhere."

All of these little arms reached up and over and snuck their papers down with them.

"Hmm ... better, but some of you forgot your pens. Nah, this isn't working, your chairs are all over the place."

Ghostly chairs started to be tucked into their places, followed by obvious grunts of discomfort from the crammed students.

"Wow! This looks absolutely amazing, I wish you all could see it," but my attention was pulled towards Colin's computer. Colin was slowly reaching up, searching with his fingers, then finding his computer screen. He slowly turned his screen towards the front of the room, and as it was still squeaking, I read: WE ARE HERE!

"Oh Colin! Great, you've sabotaged us all," and he and his neighbor burst into hysterics. Then I started laughing, then we all started laughing.

The rest of class was peppered with bursts of "We are here! We are here!" in high-pitched voices. The kids confessed that it's from Horton Hears a Who.

I love the funny days.

My thumb won't stop twitching. I've watched way too much t.v.this weekend, and I've seen the "Signs of a Stroke" commercial too often.

None of the signs have been about an overactive thumb, so why am I so worried?

Stupid digit.

Desperate Haircut

Suggestions please! My hair's too long and daily begs for a fantastic color.

My cut's about like this right now. So should I leave the length and put in more layers?

I'm leaning towards short, not blonde, but short. What are the votes on this?

Love the color, length might be too short.

Brandi and Teighlor Heiner introduced me to Selena Gomez: the Disney wizard. I realize that in this picture her hair is pinned, but I really like it as a cut. Agree/Disagree?

P.S. I heart Selena Gomez.

Emily poured purple juice on her plate this morning.

"Hey! This isn't syrup!"

In the Doghouse

My dad was grumpy this morning.

Turns out Malloy has taken over the $200 igloo that my dad bought for the cats so they'd shut their yaps and stop meowing all night. He even bought a heated water dish and a heated pad that he has plugged in to the outside of the house. This morning he found Malloy reaping the benefits of the heated pad in the igloo.

Dad got mad, and unfortunately for Malloy, dad was holding a shovel.

At breakfast, dad exploded, "You need to catch him and take him to the humane society! That is your joal!" shakes his head, but still mad, "That is your goal!"

(Was it a mixture of job and goal?)

It took all I could muster to not laugh at joal, but you better believe I'm laughing now.